Uharmony
by Ebon Mane
Summary: Twilight's curiosity takes her where no over-intellectual shut in has gone before: on dates.
1. Her Eccentric Education

Warnings and Disclaimers:

Characters in this work are property of their respective owners, I do not own any of them, and do not intend to make any sort of profit off of this work.

This My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction involves shipping. If you don't know what that means, please go read up on it at /Main/Shipping before reading.

If you are made uncomfortable by ANY form of romance between ANY two intelligent beings, this fanfiction may not be to your liking. Continue only with caution.

And now, on with the show:

Twilight Sparkle had come to Carousel Boutique expecting a sales pitch. Rarity was a businesspony; most of her suggestions came in the form of pitches, whether she was charging or not. Twilight wouldn't have minded her friend trying to push other clothes or accessories on her during the fitting of a new dress. That sort of thing was par for the course. What irked her was that the white unicorn was discussing something that filled her with a potent blend of fear, shame, and horror.

Dating.

"I'm telling you, darling, it's all the rage in Canterlot. All the hip single unicorns are getting in on it early. U-Harmony has only been operating for a month and it's already gained a simply enormous following. It's the Next Big Thing in unicorn society. Much better than any dating service to have come before, I hear. I've even been trying it a bit myself, truth to tell," The dressmaker said, starting on her fifteenth attempt to convince Twilight to sign up. Seeming to think that the revelation might cast some sliver of doubt on her beauty or charm, she was quick to add, "Not that I, Rarity, need such an aid to get a date. But I do need to keep up with the trends. Fashion, after all, trots on."

Twilight's long-suffering glower darkened. With the unfinished dress she wore pinned in so many places, she didn't dare move. She was a captive audience; only Spike would have envied her position. Attempting to shift the focus of the conversation away from herself, she asked, "I thought you were trying to marry that prince?"

Rarity's reply was icy, each word spat with venomous intensity, "Not. Any. More." She 'accidentally' poked Twilight in the flank with a needle. The librarian winced, then warily eyed the intimidating swarm of small, pointy objects that Rarity was levitating around her. She decided against further questions.

Still, her ploy seemed to have worked; The dressmaker spent the next few minutes grumbling angrily to herself as she worked on the final alterations. Eventually, she stepped back, and looked Twilight over from nose to tail before giving a nod and a satisfied smile. The white unicorn levitated a mirror and showed her customer the finished work. "So, my dear Twilight, what do you think?"

Twilight Sparkle beamed, "It's just what I wanted, Rarity! I look so scholarly." In truth, she might have had one or two suggestions, but the pins and needles still hung in the air, glinting menacingly.

"What did you commission this for, anyway, Twilight? I wouldn't have thought that you could need another dress; is the one I made you for the Gala insufficient?" Rarity asked.

"That dress is amazing, Rarity," Twilight Sparkle reassured her, "And that's sort of the problem. It's way too fancy for academia. I need a more conservative dress for my presentation."

The white unicorn leaned forward, intrigued, "Oh? A presentation? You didn't mention that. Don't you know that you simply must tell me these things? Where? When? What? Details, Twilight!"

"Oh, um, I'm giving a speech at Canterlot University about some of the magic research I've been doing in my spare time. It's in three weeks, but I wanted the dress to be ready early. Just in case," Twilight said.

A gleam entered Rarity's eyes, a gleam that Twilight Sparkle recognized. For the first few months that she had known the other mare, she wouldn't have described Rarity as 'crafty'. Of course, the craftiest ponies know how to keep themselves from being recognized as such. "Magical research, Twilight? That must be quite fascinating. You know, even if you aren't interested in getting dates from U-Harmony, I'm sure that an academic such as yourself can appreciate the advanced magic that went into its creation."

The librarian knew that she was being manipulated, but the bait was irresistible. Her insatiable curiosity forced her to ask, "Advanced magic? What do you mean?"

"Why Twilight, U-Harmony is built on a spell that somepony cast such that any unicorn anywhere in Equestria can tap into it. It requires no more than the tiniest bit of magical ability or power. It can send scrolls, gather and compile information, and then make judgements automatically to generate nearly instantaneous estimations of personal compatibility. But the most amazing part is that it can teleport ponies between cities remotely without expending any of their energy. All the power seems to come from the existing spell. Remember how long it took you to master teleporting even short distances?"

Twilight rolled her eyes, "Geez, Rarity, how much are they paying you to be a walking advertisement?" Still, a part of her was thinking about the sort of epic magic a system like that would require. Her interest was only growing. "In any case, if I had the ability to create a spell framework that complex, I certainly wouldn't waste it on something so trivial."

Rarity ignored her friend's jabs and continued, "The best part, Twilight," she leaned forward conspiratorially, her volume dropping, "Is that nopony knows how it works. All contact with administration is done through the spell itself. Nopony knows who or where they are. Isn't that exciting? Oh, the intrigue! Imagine, being the first researcher to crack their system." She turned with a dismissive wave of her hoof, "Not that you would be interested in anything having to do with romance. I'm sorry that I brought it up. What was your presentation topic, again?"

"Light refraction magic," Twilight replied, not nearly so proud of the fact as she had been ten minutes before, "A couple minor improvements that I made to the basic spell."

Rarity's voice dripped pity, "Yes. I see. I'm sure that Princess Celestia will be very satisfied with that use of her star pupil's time."

Twilight sighed, "Sometimes, Rarity, you're evil."

The white unicorn purred appreciatively, "Yes, darling, but I make evil look good."

0O0O0O0

O0O0O0O

The finished dress was safely stored away in Twilight's saddlebags, which rested near the Boutique's exit. Rarity had taught her how to access the spell for U-Harmony sign up. She was ready. Or something like ready, anyway. The bookish mare figured that if she was going to investigate this 'U-Harmony', she might as well actually try the service out for herself. First-hoof observation was, after all, the quickest way to get results. Perhaps she could even learn something to put in a friendship report. If it was too horrible, she could always stop. Taking a deep breath, she channeled a bit of power into her horn.

The cantrip was simpler even than levitation, and she preformed it perfectly on her first try. A scroll and quill appeared in the air in front of her with a flash. Before the purple unicorn could react, her friend wrapped them in a sheathe of magic and began to fill out the form.

Rarity murmured as the quill danced. "Let's see now. Name? Twilight Sparkle. Birthdate? That's coming up, I hope you enjoy your inevitable surprise party. Pinkie Pie throws one every time."

Twilight moved next to the other unicorn, wanting a better view of the sheet.

The dressmaker turned matchmaker continued, "Location? Ponyville. Race? Unicorn. I'm not sure why they ask that one, since only unicorns can work the spell. Ah, now we're to the good stuff! I'll just go ahead and check the box for 'mare seeking stallion'."

Twilight made a choked noise and Rarity paused, slowly turning her head to look at her friend, enigmatic smile on her lips, "Unless there's some objection, Twilight?"

The purple unicorn muttered something, looking away in embarrassment.

"What was that, dear? I couldn't quite catch it," Rarity said, smile growing.

Twilight lowered her head, squeaking something at the very edge of perception.

The white unicorn sighed in mock impatience, "Yes, Twilight, you do a delightful Fluttershy impression. Now could you speak up, please?"

The librarian cringed, finally managing to speak, "...Other box."

Rarity's grin only got wider, "Oh? Which other box? Stallion seeking stallion? I've taken your measurements; I know you're no stallion, darling. That box is more for Hoity Toity's type."

Twilight growled in frustration, "Mare seeking mare!" Her eyes widened as she became aware that she had shouted the words at an incriminatingly high volume.

Her friend only laughed, raising an eyebrow, "Oh my, our little bookworm, a fillyfooler? Who could have guessed? I suppose I'll have to send for a new form... Oh wait, look, it seems that I had already accidentally checked 'mare seeking mare' instead of 'mare seeking stallion'. How fortuitous! It's almost like, on some level, I already knew." After a brief pause, amusement creeped into Rarity's voice as she added, "Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, I know this advice is about a year late, and I doubt that your little sleepover book mentioned this sort of thing explicitly, but still. Even during your first sleepover, you should have known better than to leave mare on mare erotic novels under the pillows of the beds. And under your bed. And in that hidden compartment under the trick floorboard. Ponies could stumble across things in places like that."

Twilight Sparkle's ears folded back as she stammered, "Those... those aren't mine!"

"Then why did so many of them have writing on the cover... what was it... 'Property of Twilight Sparkle, Do Not Read', with 'This Means You Spike' in parenthesis?" Rarity was clearly taking great pleasure in her friend's embarrassment.

"Er... Uh..."

The white unicorn laughed, "Don't worry, dear, just taking my revenge for not trusting me with this earlier. I'm your friend, and that won't change no matter what gender you're attracted to. Your secret is safe with me. And Applejack, who confiscated a few of the books that night. And Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. But come now, they would have found out eventually anyway. You can't keep things like that from your closest friends. And the princesses, of course, but Celestia already knew."

Twilight dropped to her knees, utterly mortified.

"Look on the bright side, Twilight," Rarity said, "Now you don't have to worry about how to tell us. Not that you seemed likely to. It would have been rather awkward if you just brought home a mare one day, right?"

"It's still awkward, Rarity. Really, really awkward," the librarian said, shell-shocked.

"It doesn't have to be! You can be out of the closet now. It's your time -to borrow a turn of phrase- to shine all over Equestria!" Rarity's encouragement lifted Twilight's spirits just a bit. She began to see the bright side. Celestia clearly still accepted her, and if she had the princess's stamp of approval, who was anypony else to object?

Well, there was her parents. Then again, what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

Rarity floated the scroll back over to her friend. "That's all there is to this form," she said, "be a dear and send it off, if you would. Enough distractions, as amusing as they may be."

Twilight activated the U-Harmony spell again, and the scroll disappeared, only to be replaced nearly instantly by another. She looked to the other unicorn for advise.

"That's for the billing information. I'll leave you to that, and shall be back in just a moment." Rarity said.

By the time the white unicorn returned, her friend was working on another scroll.

"Ah, yes. That must be the question scroll. Answer everything yes or no, and all the questions will disappear and be replaced by new ones. When you've answered as many as you like, send it off and the matching will begin. You'll have a date in no time. But..." Rarity hesitated, "It would be unwise to rush. The more questions you answer, the better off you'll be. The matches seem to be better if you answer more questions. I was less than thorough on my first attempt, and the first m- er, pony they matched me with was...," She shuddered, "Less than ideal, shall we say? Take your time."

Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow and fell back on her old sarcasm, "Anything else you want to warn me about in this delightful service that you've insisted I take part in?"

"Hmm, let's see," Rarity said, tapping her chin with a hoof in thought, "Well, I guess I should tell you about how the actual dates work. They're all blind dates, you don't get to know who you're going to end up with until the spell teleports you to the location."

Twilight scoffed, "Why would it be set up that way? That seems like a terrible way to make it work. What if you end up on a date with somepony you already know? Or an ex-marefriend? Or somepony that you're not just not attracted to? Or...or... I don't know. Any number of disasters."

"Well," Rarity said, "You can call on the magic to send you back where you came from at any time. Though it's considered rude to do so the instant you see your match. Of course, that sort of thing would never happen to me. Nor would I do it to another; a lady is always gracious." Self-satisfaction seemed to radiate from the unicorn in waves. "Anyway, darling, all you'll know is the time, location, and most significant consideration in the match. The thing you most have in common with the other pony. I think. That last bit can get a tad... odd. You'll see."

"O...kay...," Twilight felt a strange sense of foreboding at that, but banished the feeling.

Rarity spoke again, "You just keep filling out that sheet. I'll be in the back working on an order if you have any questions. Feel free to stay here; if your first date ends up being tonight, you simply must let me help you get prepared. With Rarity's help, darling, you'll look just fabulous."

The purple unicorn nodded and turned her attention to the seemingly endless parade of yes or no questions.

0O0O0O0

O0O0O0O

Twilight Sparkle was still working diligently when Rarity emerged, hours later. The dressmaker paused, blinking in confusion, "Still here, dear? I expected you to have left by now. How many questions have you answered, anyhow?"

The purple mare slumped to the ground, groaning. The quill and scroll fell as the levitation magic around them disappeared. "Hundreds. Maybe thousands. They never seem to end. How many are there?" Twilight asked.

"I don't know, dear," Rarity said, "I certainly didn't fill out all of them. After a while, some of them started ask about things that I felt were... well... unimportant."

"Unimportant!" the other unicorn shouted, "You have a gift for understatement, Rarity. Half are totally irrelevant. Only one in twenty seems really worthwhile. Of course, I want to answer all of those, it's just so frustrating. Wading through pointless questions. Why does it matter whether or not I prefer the lyre to the contrabass? Or that I prefer the crescent moon to the full moon? Or whether or not I like seedless grapes? Or that stage magicians put on better shows than mimes? I just hope I don't get matched up with anypony ancient because I put down that I prefer older mares to younger mares." She crossed her hooves over her head, burying her face in the carpet.

"I think you've answered enough, darling," Rarity replied, her voice gaining a subtly mocking air, "Far more than enough, it seems. Just send the mean scroll away to where it can't hurt you. There's a good filly."

"Har Har. Very funny," The librarian replied dryly, but her horn glowed and the offending materials disappeared.

"Oh, I'm sorry Twilight. I didn't hear anything from you, and I just assumed that no news was good news. I should have checked on you. But I certainly didn't expect you to take the task so seriously," The dressmaker tilted her head in thought, "You know, Twilight, some days I believe that your perfectionism may rival my own," she said, before adding with a dismissive wave of a hoof, "But then I see your mane, of course."

Twilight Sparkle glared up at her, "Of course." She pushed herself up to her hooves, and a small, off-white card appeared in the air in front of her. It was a uniform white aside from a few small lines of neat, black text in the precise center:

TIME: 7:00 PM, CST

LOCATION: CANTERLOT ROYAL SYMPONY HALL, CANTERLOT

REASON FOR MATCH: INTEREST IN CLASSICAL MUSIC

THIS IS YOUR TICKET; PRESENT AT DOORS

Twilight considered the text as she floated the card to Rarity; the other mare would surely want to examine it. Then her eyes widened in shock, "Seven PM tonight!"

The dressmaker nodded, studying the card, "Yes, that appears to be the case. And since it's just past five now, I'm glad you're already here and ready to be prepared. We'll have you looking simply amazing for that lucky mare!" She looked up and recoiled slightly when her gaze returned to her friend. She hurriedly added, "Now don't be nervous, dear."

"Who's nervous?" Twilight asked, one eye wide while the other twitched erratically as she vibrated in place. Her mental state was much closer to mortal panic than anything resembling nervousness. "What could go wrong? Well, other than possibly making a foal of myself in front of the Canterlot Phillyharmonic Orchestra. Or if she turns out to be awesome and I don't know enough about classical music to interest her. I only have two hours. I can't study enough in that time. I haven't read 'The Intellectual Mare's Guide to Dating and Courtship' in ages, and it was for mares that wanted to go out with stallions anyway! Well, I'm sure some of the basic principles apply. It was written two hundred years ago, but not much has changed, has it? I'm sure the library has something..."

Rarity let Twilight rant as she pushed the bookish mare into the nearby powder room. She sighed to herself, "The things I do for these ponies."

0O0O0O0

O0O0O0O

Very nearly two hours later, Rarity had Twilight prepared. Where appearance was concerned, anyway. She'd pulled out all the stops; such a grand event as a classical concert in Canterlot deserved the best: Makeup, mane, tail, a final check of the new dress, and, of course, accessories. As she'd worked, the fashionable mare had lectured her friend on general etiquette for dates. Only slight corporal punishment had been needed to keep the librarian from tarnishing the back of her hoof with notes. Rarity had done all she could; the rest was up to Twilight.

"...And remember, darling, you're a catch; act like it! You look simply marvelous, and that dress is quite fetching, you're the smartest mare in Canterlot, and anypony would be lucky to have you. Carry yourself with confidence," Rarity gave last minute encouragement as the clock approached the appointed time, "And remember, things can go wrong, but that's no reason to be discouraged. It's not like this is your first date ever, and no date is quite as awkward terrible as a mare's first."

"But Rarity," The other unicorn replied, her ears folding back, "This is my first date ever."

The magic of the card activated, and Twilight Sparkle disappeared with a flash.

Rarity blinked. "Oh. Oh my." She should have known.  



	2. Her Improper Introduction

TIME: 7:00 PM, CST LOCATION: CANTERLOT ROYAL SYMPONY HALL, CANTERLOT, EQUESTRIA REASON FOR MATCH: INTEREST IN CLASSICAL MUSIC THIS IS YOUR TICKET; PRESENT AT DOORS

0O0O0O0O

O0O0O0O0

Twilight Sparkle found herself in a familiar courtyard, just in front of the Royal Sympony Hall. The shock of teleportation wore off quickly; the mare found the spell to be very similar to her own, and was accustomed to its effects. She began to look around and immediately noticed another unicorn standing just to her left, wobbling as the aftereffects of the travel wore off; it had to be her date.

Curiosity momentarily overpowered nervousness. Twilight studied the other unicorn in a way that she'd rarely allowed herself to do with mares before. Her date's coat was light green, her mane and tail a grayish teal with a couple of streaks of white. The coloration wasn't caused by age; she seemed to be just a few years older than Twilight, if that. It seems that she, too, had put on makeup and had her hair done for the date, the latter playing host to an array of decorative clips that shone silver and gold. The mare was wearing an elegant white dress, and looked quite stunning; Twilight found herself humming appreciatively. She blinked. Where had that come from? She had no time to wonder; the other mare turned to look at her. The pony's eyes were amber.

"Hi! Nice to meet you," the strange pony said, beaming. She seemed familiar, though the librarian couldn't place where they'd met. If they ever had.

Twilight smiled nervously, "L-likewise."

The light green unicorn began to walk slowly toward the entrance, "Do you mind if we go in early? I hate having to press past a bunch of stallions to get to my seat," she turned back to look at her date. "Though I don't mind pressing past mares nearly as much," she added with a wink.

Something seemed to flutter inside of Twilight. That feeling was definitely new. She blinked, tried to focus, and trotted to catch up with the other unicorn.

They spent the next few minutes chatting idly; the introverted mare was only too content to let the older pony take the lead. Twilight Sparkle's replies became less terse as she warmed up to the conversation. She found that her date was not just a fan, but also a player of the classical style. When she asked what instrument the mare played, the response was surprising. "It's not often that I get to meet somepony and not have them know immediately what I play. I think I'll keep it a secret for now," the green unicorn replied with an enigmatic smile, "Maybe you'll be able to guess, by the time I let you see my cutie mark." The prospect interested the bookish mare more than she would have cared to admit.

By the time they found their seats, Twilight was discussing enchantments that could be laid on instruments with the fascinated musician. The concert hall filled slowly but surely with the Canterlot nobility, more elaborately dressed than could ever be necessary, and so arrogant one could almost smell it. The volume of the room increased steadily, and before long the purple unicorn was struggling to hear her date's story about a disastrous attempt at a tuning spell for stringed instruments.

Eventually, something occurred to Twilight. "What's your name!" she practically shouted over the mounting din.

"Lyra!" The other unicorn replied with similar volume.

The purple mare beamed at her date, "Sorry I forgot to ask before! I'm Twilight Sparkle!"

Lyra blinked, then narrowed her eyes, "Twilight Sparkle as in Princess Celestia's personal student Twilight Sparkle?"

Twilight's brows furrowed, "Um... Yes?"

Her date's eye's widened, "Ponyville librarian Twilight Sparkle? That lives in Ponyville?"

The purple unicorn's eyes darted from side to side. Did the other mare know her? "That's me," she replied with a hopeful smile.

"Clop!" Lyra cursed, "I didn't recognize you through that sexy academic getup. Listen: if anypony asks, I was never here and you did not see me tonight." With that, the green-coated unicorn disappeared in a flash.

Twilight Sparkle blinked, trying to process what had just occurred. Lyra had recognized her, and now that she thought about it, that name seemed vaguely familiar to her, though she still couldn't place the other mare. Objectively, the date was probably a failure; Twilight had somehow managed to drive the other unicorn away before the concert even started. Still, the librarian was more confused than embarrassed, so she supposed that it could have gone worse. She figured that she might as well stay for the concert before using the card's magic to teleport back to Rarity. It would probably take that long to get rid of the goofy smile that Lyra's words had left on her face.

'Sexy academic' indeed!

0O0O0O0O

0O0O0O0O

The spell returned Twilight Sparkle to precisely where she'd been before the date: Carousel Boutique. She was still blinking away the disorientation of teleportation when Rarity's questions began. "Oh darling you must tell me every. Little. Detail. How was the concert? How was the mare? Were you better dressed than her? Did she... spark your interest? Did you -"

"Rarity!"

The white unicorn blinked, then chuckled, "Sorry dear. I'm just interested. For your sake."

"I'm sure," Twilight stated flatly. She sighed, "Well, it didn't go quite as I'd expected. I don't think a second date is going to happen."

"Well, chin up, Twilight. Nopony finds love on the first try. There's plenty of grass in the field. You'll just have to get a new match; U-harmony seems to have a never-ending supply of them," her friend said, placing a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. "Now. What did go wrong, if you don't mind my asking?"

Twilight looked away as her ears folded back. "Well, to tell the truth, I wasn't with her most of the time I was gone. Lyra left before the concert even started. She teleported away as soon as she found out who I was. I guess she recognized me; she knew I was the librarian here." The mare's mouth twisted sourly, "I just wish I knew where I'd seen her before."

Rarity frowned. "Her name is... Lyra? Did she have a light green coat?" Twilight nodded. "Was her cutie mark a lyre?"

The librarian raised an eyebrow, "I didn't see her cutie mark, but I'm fairly sure she played an instrument with strings. Why? Do you know her?"

The other unicorn sighed. "I'm afraid so dear. And I do believe that Bon Bon and I are going to need to have a little chat..."

"Who's Bon Bon?" Twilight asked.

"Lyra's wife." 


	3. Her Reluctant Reunion

TIME: 3:00 PM CST LOCATION: PONYVILLE LIBRARY, PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA REASON FOR MATCH: INTEREST IN SCHOLARLY PURSUITS

Twilight was extremely surprised when she saw that her second date would take place in her own home. After some initial panic, the researcher in her took over. All she could think about were the implications that the choice of location might have for the way the spell determined where to send ponies. The reason for the match was interest in scholarly pursuits, and that would fit well in a library. It's not like she would mind having a date in one under normal circumstances; in fact, it seemed ideal to her. No matter what other ponies might say. Perhaps the spell didn't recognize her tree as a residence? She rather doubted that U-Harmony would teleport a mare into her date's home knowingly.

She considered the new information as she helped Spike clean. Twilight lamented the fact that she didn't have time to visit Rarity prior to the date, but she supposed that makeup and a dress weren't exactly appropriate for a library anyway. She only had a few hours to get everything in order; she certainly didn't want to be a bad host. After the library was as neat as it ever got, she sent her draconic assistant out to spend the afternoon babysitting the Cutie Mark Crusaders. It wouldn't do to have anything cramping her style, such as it was.

After Twilight finished an inexpert attempt at making herself presentable, she still had quite a while to wait. Everything was ready. The anticipation nearly killed her.

She was nervously fiddling with a random reference tome when the telltale flash of an incoming teleport lit the library. The unicorn noted that the spell recognized that she was already at the location; it refrained from trying to move her magically to where she already was.

The new arrival began to shake off the aftereffects of teleportation, and Twilight took the opportunity to examine her. A red mane and tail with a light blue streak behind the ear, white coat, and a very familiar cutie mark. A silver crescent moon on a field of red stars. The librarian gasped as she recognized her date. A fellow student at Celestia's school, one that she'd taken many classes with. She ran forward to greet her old associate, "Hi, Moondancer, welcome to my library! It's been so long."

The mare turned, and her jaw dropped when she saw the pony greeting her. "Twilight!" she exclaimed, "I thought you'd dropped off the face of Equestria. Everypony's been wondering where you ended up." She tilted her head, "What do you mean by 'your' library?"

"Oh, I run this place now. And live here, actually. I've been doing research for the Princess."

Moondancer shook her head, "Always the princess with you." She looked around, brow furrowing when she didn't find what she was looking for. "Say, Twilight, is there anypony else here?"

Twilight giggled, "Looking for your date, Moondancer? Look no further. I didn't know that you were interested in mares too."

The other unicorn stared blankly in shock for a few seconds, then broke into an ecstatic grin, "Well, mostly just one mare. A mare that I'd been trying to forget until now."

"Oh really? Who?"

Moondancer began to walk slowly toward her date, swaying her flank seductively. She spoke in a low purr, "You, Twilight. It was you. But I didn't know if you were like me or not."

Twilight was caught flat-hoofed by the sudden change in the other unicorn's attitude. "Uh... Well, I wasn't very social back then. Wasn't nearly ready to let everypony know about.. well... this." She began to back away from the advancing mare slowly, more than a little creeped out by the development.

The red-maned pony continued forward, slowly catching up to her quarry. "But I still invited you to my birthday, every year, hoping to spend some time with you, however little," She said.

"I'd always wondered about that," Twilight replied, "I didn't even show up half the time. I'm sorry about that. Er... could you stay back a little?" The other mare was getting uncomfortably close.

Moondancer seemed to be ignoring Twilight. A manic hint entered her voice as her speech continued "But when you did come, it was such sweet torture. You were so close, but always out of reach. I felt better just knowing that you were there, curled up in the corner with a book. Adorable. It hurt that I could only look, not touch. But it's okay, Twilight. Now I know that you're a fillyfooler just like me. And we can be together." The librarian's rear bumped into a wall; she couldn't retreat any further. The white mare nuzzled Twilight's cheek.

The purple unicorn recoiled in shock, not knowing quite what to say. She stammered, "Er- maybe."

Anger flashed across Moondancer's face. She growled, "No maybe, Twilight, we WILL be together," her face softened as she added in a loving whisper, "Forever."

Twilight's ears folded back, "You're kind of creeping me out, Moondancer. Maybe you should go; you can contact me again when you're feeling a little more... sane...," She teleported across the library, hoping to put some distance between herself and the madmare.

Her date turned quickly and began to trot toward the librarian, her face contorted with rage, screaming, "I know where you live, Twilight! You will love me!"

In a burst of panic-fueled magic, Twilight Sparkle managed to access the U-Harmony transportation spell attached to Moondancer. Guided by her mastery of her own version of the magic, she was able to activate the return trip prematurely. The mare disappeared with a flash.

Twilight sighed in relief. That had been an unmitigated disaster. She tried to look on the bright side; her study of the spell was bearing fruit. Plus, it's not like any date could possibly be worse than that one was. Or so she fervently hoped. 


	4. Her Mirror Match

TIME: 7:00 PM CST LOCATION: ZE GUILDED PLATE, MELBRIDLE, AUSPONIA REASON FOR MATCH: EXTREMELY HIGH COMPATIBILITY

0o0o0o o0o0o0

Twilight shook off the shock of teleportation quickly, and found herself sitting in a booth staring at her reflection. The image looked somehow... off... in the dim light. She leaned forward to get a better view, careful not to disturb the silverware and glass of her place setting; the reflection matched her movement. As she got closer, she realized the problem: the colors were wrong. It showed a teal coat and pink mane, with a yellow stripe where her pink and purple ones should have been. Otherwise, the reflection was indistinguishable from the one in her mirror in the library. She tilted her head, and her twin did the same. She wondered what enchantment caused the color shift, and why it didn't seem to affect the purple of her eyes. What use could such a thing possibly have?

She was leaning forward more, curiosity demanding a more thorough examination of the phenomenon, when a pointed cough from her side drew her attention. She paused, just a few centimeters from touching the glass. Twilight turned toward the source of the interruption: a grey unicorn pony waiter, impeccably dressed and looking as snooty as any she'd ever seen. When he had her attention, he spoke with a thick accent, "Excuse moi, mademoiselles, but no public displays of ze affection are allowed in ze restaurant. If I may take ze orders, instead?" He levitated over a pitcher of water, and filled the empty glass in front of her.

And then he filled the glass in front of the purple mare's teal reflection.

Twilight Sparkle blinked. For a moment, she didn't understand. And then it hit her.

"It's not...," she began.

"...a mirror?" The mare across from her finished.

Twilight's only consolation was that her doppelganger looked just as mortified as she felt. "What?" They asked in unison.

The waiter looked from one to the other, "I weel be back to take ze order after you ladies are done with ze existential crisis, yes?" He walked away, though neither mare was paying any attention.

Even knowing that it was a separate pony, Twilight couldn't find any noticeable differences in their appearance, aside from the obvious palate swap in coloring. The whole situation was just too surreal; she wondered if she was dreaming. Even so, her desire to understand the situation overwhelmed all other concerns as she spoke, "We should..."

"...make sure that we don't have the same name?"

"Yeah. I'm Twilight Sparkle."

"I'm Dewdrop Dazzle."

"Nice to meet you," They said in unison, beaming at each other.

Despite the fact that the two got along extremely well, the initial strangeness never seemed to fade. Neither mare could mention anything about themselves without the other chiming in with their own eerily similar experience. Eventually, over their twin orders of daisy sandwiches, the discussion dissolved into rapid-fire comparison of their pasts, friends, and personal lives. Each unicorn tried desperately to find some aspect of themselves that the other couldn't match.

Twilight learned that Dewdrop lived in a library in Ponyton with her baby sea dragon assistant. She regularly sent reports on friendship to her mentor Princess Aqua, alicorn ruler of Ausponlia, who had sent her to Ponyton on one fateful Autumn Tide Celebration day. There she had met five ponies who would eventually become her best friends, and together with them and the powerful magic of the Principles of Togetherness, she had defeated the evil Inferno Core. In a twist that by that time in Dewdrop's story Twilight had seen coming, Inferno Core turned out to be Princess Aqua's sister, Terra. Every detail of the other mare's life seemed to be just a minor variation on her own.

Twilight Sparkle wondered if the universe was screwing with her mind just to watch her squirm.

Eventually, dinner was complete, and the mares had grown tired of exchanging life stories. Dewdrop Dazzle leaned forward and dropped her voice, and Twilight moved closer to hear. The teal unicorn said, "So... I was reading something just this morning that applies to the situation we find ourselves in. The piece asserted that you could tell a lot about a pony by what answer they gave to this question: If you met an exact duplicate of yourself, which would you do, fuck or fight? Those are the only two options that take full advantage of such a situation. I don't think either of us is likely to find anypony more like ourselves. So instead of relying on thought to attempt a prediction of the results, we can just see what happens. No doubt the results will be fascinating. So what'll it be, Twilight...," she raised an eyebrow, "Fight... or fuck?"

Twilight Sparkle smiled knowingly. She saw exactly what her strange twin was getting at. She responded with just two words, shouted at the waiter.

"Check please!"

o0o0o

Spike was just curling up for bed when he heard the bang and saw the flash of teleportation magic. Lights began to flick on in the library and the dragon sat up and shouted, "Hey Twilight, how did the date go?" He got up and walked to the edge of the landing to look down at the mare. He gasped when he saw her; Twilight's mane was disheveled, and she was covered in dirt, cuts, and bruises.

"I don't want to talk about it," the unicorn said. She groaned as she rubbed her swollen left cheek with a hoof, "But I'll tell you one thing, Spike. I throw a mean right hook." 


End file.
